Love, Tis Thy Confusion…

Posted on May 25, 2007

Pain Of The Night

by Sweett

Watch as this tear falls into empty space
See it fall into life’s nameless place
Can you see the sparkle as it catches the light
That sparkle once was happiness that is no longer in sight
As it falls watch it, its color has changed
From blue to bright red, it has a wide range

There it goes all alone, it continues to fall
With it, it takes the emotion, the emotion of all
Wait, can you hear it? A sob has broke free
Has shook the lungs cold, but yet it continues to be
Here it comes, a force has been built between the eye
A wall of shear water, it’s now time to cry

A shudder, a scream, darkness envelops your soul
The darkness of the night has taken its toll

Love…it’s a confusing emotion, no? Indeed…it’s so confusing that I sometimes, more often than not feel overwhelmed by it…It’s so utterly confusing that I would think we’re better off without it…I don’t understand my own emotions regarding love I guess…

At first, I was with Greg. I love him wholeheartedly, with every being in my soul, I love him. And with that said, my every being aches for his very existence in life…Sometimes I love him, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I feel excited talking with him and sometimes it’s just a bore…I’m in and out of love with him more times than I could count. Yet it hurts when I think of him being with another girl and this being my fault as I told him that he should date other girls…He’s what every girl wants, a prince, a kind, gentle, loving, caring guy with a touch of perverseness.

Then it was Shawn. He was what I like. A funny, interesting guy. He even wanted to fly to Malaysia and study here just to live with me. However, what I didn’t like about him was his inconsistency. When I met him, he was with another girl, he proclaimed love for her and wanted to move to wherever the girl was. And then the relationship ended and he came to me for comfort. Not long after, we were together. This all happened all in 2 days…and then he tells me that I was the first person he really liked and wanted to be with me…forever…and just like that, I was in and out of love in a blink of an eye…that was it…the love is gone…

And then came Alex. He’s not what every girl would want, I say that in all honesty as I type this. For he is a bad tempered young man, with provocation, he goes off his hoots and challenges the opponent to a duel. Yet, we have known each other about a year now. He said he had loved me since we were known to each other. And I accepted him. In a strange yet nicely expected way, I’ve kind of loved him too, before and even now. And we were together…a few days before he was to go off to the army…I found out and I cried a river…I was so afraid of him going off to the army…He lost many of his comrades in the army for guarding the border…I was afraid it could happen to him too. Day and night I prayed. I prayed for his safety, I prayed for his health, I prayed for him to come back to me in one piece…It’s been a while now since I’ve talked to him…I miss him so…truly, I think this is love…

Why is love so confusing? Why can’t we all just love each other, all of us? Why make it so complicated when I can share my heart with all of those I love. There is more than enough space in my heart for everyone…yet they expect only one to reside in this heart of mine. Jealousy bringing them to confront me to choose. And choose I have…I chose you…

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