Note : This is not a literature but common rantings of my heart…

My previous rant : Pure Unadulterated Hate

As I sit here writing this article, my body is shaking in frustration, there is an itch inside of my body that I yearn to scratch…it’s truly unbearable…my head aches in pain, the voice inside screams to be freed, the voice screams and screams and screams…

“WHY IS THE WORLD SO FUCKING UNFAIR!!! WHY AM I THE ONE TO RECEIVE THIS “GIFT”?!?!?! WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN ALL THE OTHER FUCKED-UPS OUT THERE WHO HAVE SINNED AND SINNED OVER AND OVER AGAIN?!?! WHY ME?!?!?!“

Can life be anymore unfair? Why is the Lord taking my life into his hands? Why can’t he leave it up to me when I wanted to die? Why must he take the strings of time and shorten it? WHY?!?! Have I sinned, my Lord? Have I done something in my past life to have deserved such a punishment? Or do you have a personal grudge on me that needs to be scratched?

“WHY ARE YOU CONDEMNING ME INTO THIS FATE WHERE I HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE KNIFE AND MEETING YOU, MY MAKER!! WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE MINDED YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND LEFT MY LIFE UP TO ME!!! WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE CLOSED AN EYE AND WALK AWAY?!?! WHY ARE YOU PULLING ME AWAY FROM MY LOVED ONES AND THE WORLD?! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO COLD AND CRUEL?!?!“

They say that I’m not suppose to hate you, Lord. They said that it’s me whose at fault, I who didn’t want it to begin with, I who had no inkling of what is happening to me, I who am afraid of burdening my family, I who am not Your devotee…but why did You have to condemn me for being all those? Do You not have enough devotees to kill off to be Your minions? Why me? Am I not good enough to live for at least another 70 years on this earth You had created?

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“It’s very treatable. All you have to do is go for the surgery and get rid of it”

“How much would the surgery cost me, doctor?”

“…it’ll be a lot, that is for sure, but the most important thing to do here is get you to do the surgery and be treated for chemotherapy…”

“I’ll have to think about it, doctor…”

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Did You like to see my saddened face? My downfall in life as I blindly walk through life? My emotionless eyes look around me, I see everything yet I see nothing, nor could I hear nor speak…tears are coming to me as I thought back on my short lived years…20 years, Lord. That was all You wanted to give me, wasn’t it? Was this planned from the beginning? Since the day I was born, perhaps? If You had wanted me so much, why didn’t You just take me at birth? Why now? Now when MORE people will get hurt and mourn for my leaving?

You are truly cruel, Lord. Yet people see You as THEIR savior, THEIR Lord beyond the pearly gates of heaven…yet you tear love ones apart and leave them all in desolation…

But guess what, Lord. I shall not give in to this fate that You had created for me. I shall live my last days happy, my family shall know nothing of it and be clueless of the cruel crime You have committed till the very end, cutting short their pain and leaving all the burden of mourning to me until I give out my very last breath…

But needless to say, You have my pure unadulterated hate for the rest of my pitiful life, now and forever, I shall not forgive you and will never when I see the ashen-ed faces upon my loved ones when my time grows near. Till then, I shall let them believe nothing is wrong and everything is right in the world, Amen.

And now…again today I am here talking about the oblivion that I am falling into…this time however I fear nothing would ever be right…due to anger and thoughtless words, we are all at odds with each other.  I shall just rant here and if any of you are reading this, read it and live with the truth of it all!

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE BOTH OF YOU?!?!? Is this the way to be acting whenever life isn’t going the way it should be for you? You argue and then you use anger and aim it at each other? You use words that haven’t been thought out carefully with the intention to hurt each other…

Of the four of us, all of us are tired, stressed out and on the edge. The datelines are choking us and splitting us apart, the four of us that have been together since the beginning of our course here…remember that we talked about the four of us? Yea…now however, it’s beginning to look appealing to separate doesn’t it? Well, YOU’RE WRONG! I’m not pointing any fingers but believe me, this pains me as much as it hurts all of you to know that we have been verbally abusing each other before thinking on it carefully…

T, I know you think that we think that you aren’t doing anything to do your part. You are wrong to think like this…why? Think back my sad friend, think back. You have always done your part…you amongst all of us, is the one good at finding information. Wait, hear me out, without you, we would NEVER find out enough information for our tasks. Without you, we would NEVER be able to find any information WITHIN the information that you have found, don’t you see? We rely on you to tell us what theories we can use and where we can find the research or journal to back it up. Without you, we would not be creating A-grade assignments.

S, it’s apparent that you think that T isn’t doing her fair share of the work. but admit it, she IS. Just not the same way as YOU are contributing to the group. Each and everyone of of you in the group are doing your fair share but just differently. Why? Because all of you have your own abilities in doing stuff. You find that it’s hard to cope don’t you? You feel like quitting and just be released from this huge burden, don’t you? But don’t you see? We help each other out when we all need each other. T is in charge of finding the information and providing the knowledge from that information in the BEGINNING of the assignment. You on the other hand is in charge of the ENDING where you provide your abilities to the utmost care.

I know that both of you are stressing but is that a crime? No tough babes, it isn’t. Don’t start blaming each other before you have thought things through. talk to each other about it before jumping to conclusions. Nobody is guilty till the fat woman sings. And in this case, that’s me and I’m not gonna sing for this…

So relax, and chill, think of each other before you begin, think of what the other have to go through before you start piling blames…T did what she did because she is worried of the timeline as well as knowing that the lecturer was leaving soon and no way to stop her from leaving…this is true. So really, you can’t blame her for asking and asking. Think of it as her egging you on to do it faster. If she had never done that, would you say we would have ever handed it up in time?

J on the other hand, last to handle the assignment, is afraid that if we were to hand it up late, it would be her fault. She tries her best to hurry it up, however, T is asking her to hurry up but this causes J to fire up and get annoyed. But would you say it’s T’s fault for doing that? She isn’t at the base worrying with you, in fact, she isn’t capable of doing anything where she is at. The hopelessness of being far away is killing her.

Both of you AREN’T WRONG!!! So just CHILL and THINK before you TALK. Stop bottling up the frustration, just blurt it out! Conflicts begin with bottled up emotions. What would the other party know of what you’re thinking when you do not open that lips of yours and say something? They’re not a mind reader you know…

All in all…I think I am to be blamed the most as I realized I have never really did anything…Of all the four of us, I think that the three of you are capable enough to do the assignments without me…I feel like the needle poking at all of you. The big sack of potatoes that is clinging to your backs…the burden…I know it and you all know it…

It is at times like these that I wonder why I ever joined the course that we’re doing now…perhaps I should have just stayed home and blend into the couch

What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t blame each other, tell each other what you want to say and embrace each other’s abilities and put it to full use. I don’t expect any of you to be reading this but hey, perhaps in a few years, when I’m dead, you’ll start to wonder what I wrote before I died and then you’ll probably visit and eventually stumble on this not very well versed post and smile

Just in case you don’t know, at the moment, you guys are the closest to me other than my family and I just can’t bear to see you three fighting with each other over an assignment…and to say that without you three, I would have long been 7 feet under by now…without the entertainment and laughter between the four of us, I would have been far in depression due to the stupid shit I have inside of me and would have killed myself…I hope you three know how much you mean to me to have had me written this much just so that you all would see things through…

Normally…slaves don’t get much…so be grateful

Damn…I look cool in shades!

Anyone wanna buy me some of these shades? They happen to cause around RM660 and above and yes, I have damn expensive tastes D:

I happened to be looking at these shades while I was waiting for my mom to pay for my contact lenses (Took this pictures in a optical shop somewhere in TTDI…). I have to say…I had a great time camwhoring for these shades even though people were looking at me with weird looks on their faces

It is at these times that you will find me most compliant to their inquiries/comments/authority as well as the most stubborn. My parents are always worrying about us (the kids) and are afraid that one day, we’d find ourselves jailed/robbed/raped/killed. To my distress, of all the children in the family, they seem to worry more about me. Why? That’s the question I constantly ask myself. I’m a good daughter; I look left and right and left again when I cross the road; I have nothing worth robbing; I’m fat and ugly, who in their right mind would rape me?

The answer may seem simple but there are always the other side to the story aren’t there? I’m a good daughter, however, I tend to be a quick hand at finding things not wanting to be found thus might put in trouble if that person didn’t want it found (E.G. A killer hid some killer evidence, poor curious me finds it, killers sees me take it, comes after me and kills me. The End.); I look left and right and left again when I cross the road, looking left, right and left, I might miss a speeding car coming from the right and you’re not suppose to do the looking WHILE crossing, you’re suppose to do it before and while crossing; I have nothing worth robbing other than the jade bracelet on my left wrist, my MP3 hanging from my neck and my handphone in my bag!!! I’m fat and ugly, who in their right mind would rape me? Rappers aren’t exactly what I call a psychologically healthy person in the first place!!

W ell, I’m DOOMED! After thinking that I am immune to such brutal endings and deaths, I find myself MORE vulnerable than I was in the first place D: !! So I guess, my parents seem to be right on all accounts that whatever I do will ultimately lead to me living another day or die something good or something bad. What frustrates me most about my parents would of course be about domesticity. In truth, I have never mastered the skill of cooking other than boiling water, putting the just-washed rice into the rice cooker, and cooking maggie mee; neither have I sewn or mended clothes perfectly. I more or less destroyed it, making it less wearable than it originally was >_>

They would comment on how I was lousy in these skills and would not be able to get a good man to ever think of marrying me if I never learn. Not only that, though I know I have a weight problem, oh all right, being obese, I could NEVER find them a son-in-law and that my health would deteriorate. On the health part, I agree. However, on the never marrying part, I differ. I’m only 20 at the moment, I still have at least 20 more years or so left in me (modern human life span is truly pitiful…) and as men have their expectations in what they want in a female, I have MY expectations of what I want in a man too!

What my parents didn’t know was that I DID find my perfect guy. The guy who loved me for who I am, the guy who cared about how I felt and what I had to say, the guy who was sensitive to my very whim, the guy I would gladly have had kids with, the guy who would cook and clean for me if I didn’t want to do it myself, the guy who I wanted to be domestic for, the guy who loved me more than I loved him. It is on the last point that I have regretted my decision. In our relationship, I have betrayed him more times than I can count. No. I never cheated on him. No. I did something worst than cheating on him. I left him due to my selfishness. The spark had left me a dry spell and I told him I wanted out…he left upset and shaken…I started dating another guy…and he came back…I left the other guy and went back to him willingly when he said he still wanted me…months later…the dry spell returned…and I left…again…after a month or so…I returned and we were together again…and again, as if I never learned, I left AGAIN! But this time…forever. I told him he deserved better and to find another person and he did. I should be happy for him. I am but my heart lies dead.

But what my parents don’t know won’t hurt them, right? My parents are lovely people, in fact, to me, they are the perfect couple! After 21 years of marriage, they are still in love with each other and still very in tuned with each other. However, when they aren’t looking, I see a sad look on their faces as we, the children grow up, we become more detached from our parents. I feel their loneliness and I want to comfort them and tell them “I love you and I’ll never leave you” but I can’t promise that. Sometimes there are unforeseen circumstances in life that makes it difficult to say “I’ll alway be there for you till your time comes in the far future.”

You can say that I might have a double personality. With my parents, I want to be the daughter to be there for them. To care for them and be their companions. With my siblings, I want to be their friend and sister they look up to. With my friends, I tend to be more aggressive and be more…myself…? Sometimes I feel at lost as to who I really am. Family and social obligations have been tying me down ever since I was born as most of you out there are. However, most of the times, I would think that this IS my personality just that it’s split down in two parts; instead of having equal amount on both sides, I have one on each side making it an unbalanced equation.

Perhaps one day, love will find me again; perhaps I would be able to equally part my personality equally; perhaps one day, my parents would look at me and say “We trust your judgments.“…perhaps…

There’s a place in
Your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could
Be much
Brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You’ll find there’s no need
To cry
In this place you’ll feel
There’s no hurt or sorrow

There are ways
To get there
If you care enough
For the living
Make a little space
Make a better place…

(Chorus)
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

If you want to know why
There’s a love that
Cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares of
Joyful giving
If we try
We shall see
In this bliss
We cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and
Start living

Then it feels that always
Love’s enough for
Us growing
So make a better world
Make a better world…

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

And the dream we were
Conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we
Once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep
Strangling life
Wound this earth
Crucify its soul
Though it’s plain to see
This world is heavenly
Be God’s glow

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart
I feel you are all
My brothers
Create a world with
No fear
Together we cry
Happy tears
See the nations turn
Their swords
Into plowshares

We could really get there
If you cared enough
For the living
Make a little space
To make a better place…

(Chorus x3)

There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

You and for me (x 11)

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Today is one of the rare times that I’m blogging something meaningful. So please read what I got to say, think about what I have said and perhaps just appreciate what I got to say and make a difference today!

Have you noticed the changing weather patterns lately everywhere that was reported by the media and probably experienced by you and or your families or relatives? Earthquakes, freak waves, erupting volcanoes, typhoons, heavy rains, flooding, landslides, snow, cold, heat, wildfires, droughts, all in all, a climate change. This is happening all around the world.

The recent earthquake and subsequent tidal waves in the Indian Ocean have caused many to wonder why God allows such disasters to burden the earth. Is there any reasonable explanation for these events that respects the concept of the benevolence of our Creator?

Taken from : Cristian Courier

Why are these disasters happening more frequently now than they did in the past? Is this due to the fact that the Gods are angry at how we are “up keeping” the Earth? Or is it Mother Nature’s way of saying “You human scums are loitering my used-to-be beautiful Earth!!”

People say that humans are the most intelligent being on the face of Earth because we have the ability to think and do what we want; know the right and wrong; are able to do things other beings are not able to do; we even have opposable thumbs!! Yay thumbs!!!

So if we humans are so superior, why is it that we tend to be destroying more than we can afford to destroy? At the beginning of time, we were allowed to survive on this Earth by living off the fruit of our natural surroundings, the clean clear water running in the river and the will to survive!

But sad to say, humans became greedier and greedier as each day passes by when knowledge came into grasp. People started building machines to help them be more efficient in life; houses to keep them warm and safe and factories to produce items, gadgets and food to help them through life. As time passes by, our greed grew and grew and we find ourselves chopping down trees in forests to make way for the human population and to build more buildings to sell and make a killing; to make tables, chairs, paper, books, matches and so on. We built more and more factories; factories that secrets out waste in the once beautifully clean and clear rivers; puffs dirty smoke in the once clear blue sky. Built machines that not only pollutes the air with it’s fuming exhausts and the noise it creates leaves no peace for the animals. Soon, animals and nature itself grows smaller and smaller. “This is the life!” we thought. But we were wrong. We started noticing that the air we breath have now become too polluted to breath in, the water too dirty to drink from and the city overrun by human creations causing every kind of pollution humans can think of…

“Regret” we thought, was too late. We have already in our minds condemned the Earth to hell and believing that the end was approaching. But what we didn’t want to know was that we can do our part today and make a difference to slow the damage on the world. Instead of using petroleum, switch to solar; instead of air conditioning, use the fan; instead of littering, use a garbage bin; instead of driving, use your legs to walk or switch to public transports.

Do your part today and keep the future save for our children and the future generations. Teach your kids to love Earth and do their part to protect and preserve. Without Earth, we would never have been born, never have met, and never have blogged!

I’m not gonna tell you who he is, and if you are the one I’m talking about and reading this, then DO know that I care and you can come to me anytime. Just don’t keep it bottled up…however, I just needed to put this all here and reemphasize on the points.

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Him : Hey you. Long time no talk

Me : Hye

Him : I’m depressed. Muchly

Me : !!! How come o.o

Him : Have you noticed that no one in JO takes me seriously anymore?

Me : Mmm?

Him : I have 3 people posted on my App. No one listens when I offer help. People override what I say. And all of my ideas are trashed. I just feel like all my effort has been wasted.

Me : Honey, people do take you seriously.

Him : Where?

Me : It’s just that people have rights to their own opinions too.

Him : I mean, just show me, I want to believe that.

Me : So they question your words.

Him : But it’s not that they don’t like my ideas, it’s that they disregard them.

Me : And MOST of the server is after the GM spot.

Him : Trash them and most of all ignore them!

Me : And we haven’t seen you in a long time D:

Him : Long time!?

Me : In game that is.

Him : I’ve Been Spending All My Spare Time Trying To Fix My Damn Computer! I CANT play! And NO ONE CARES. No one offers help, no one tried to send me anything.

Me : I’m NOT doubting you or anything D: and I’m not dissing you. I’m just trying to make sense of your doubts into words. And also, like I said, many of the people don’t know you.

Him : But that’s just it. Exactly, no one knows me after a year of working.

Me : Most people are new here.

Him : Not everyone. K* doesn’t even know my name.

Me : K* is bombarded everyday of his GM career, it’s hard to remember everyone.

Him : Yeah, everyone has an excuse. You know what, never mind. I just need a break. I can’t be around people like this. People who I spent my time on. People who I put my trust and faith in. The same people who have now completely destroyed everything I worked so hard at Jynx for.

Me : Are you sure that is what’s making you angry or the fact that you’re not respected anymore?

Him : Both! I didn’t DO anything. I actually did a lot, that at least I thought was somewhat worthwhile. And tell me if I’m wrong. But I thought that someone actually thought I was ok. I think I must’ve been wrong though.

Me : Honey, you’re not wrong to think this and they’re not wrong to think theirs too. It’s like I said, everyone has their own way of thinking. Be it good or bad. And I’m not saying yours is bad. I’m saying that you’re going about it the wrong way. Instead of getting angry at people not taking you seriously or knowing you, try to be patient and re-friend again.

Him : But when have I gotten angry? I took anger management classes. I take medicine everyday. I haven’t gotten upset since the eAthena issue.

Me : You don’t need anger management or meds, you just gotta think both ways. And you are angry now. And I know that. I have been going an angry phase just last week especially what with R* and D* and all. But things will WORK OUT!! I KNOW it. Know why? Cause I KNOW you can!

Him : Just tell me. What can I do? Spend my next 6 months obsesseing with Jynx as I have for the last year? I just…Jess I don’t know what’s happened. I tried so hard. I really did. I took classes. I contributed. I…*sighs*

Me : You must remember, this is a game, you can’t let it take over your life. Just enjoy it and even if you’re not a GM, you can still enjoy it no matter what.

Him : Yea, you’re right. I can’t can I?

Me : Life is short, we have to take things one step at a time, and that takes time so we just have to enjoy it…

Him : That sounds great. So know what? I’m done trying. No more donating. No more trying to do something right. Look Jess, just listen for a moment. So you understand my side of this whole thing. I live in Japan where everyone is perfect. My mother hates me because I’m not like her. I don’t get straight A’s only B’s and C’s. My adopted sisters loathe me for being born not adopted and my father is about to divorce my stepmother. Along with her is my half brother. My life is seriously fucked up, excuse the language, and Jynx right now is my hook. It is where I can be calm, where I can have a voice and where I thought I was actually someone so I put everything I can into it. I just…it’s everything to me.

Me : Life is fucked up. NOTHING is perfect!! YOUR life isn’t and MINE isn’t as well. That’s WHY we escape reality into the virtual. Look at everyone in the world. They believe in virtual reality and 80% of them have problems in the real world. But it’s NOT YOUR FAULT!! You’re YOU and they’re THEM!

Him : And for the next two years I am theirs.

Me : I know you’re FRUSTRATED about ALL of this cause I am too. Believe me, I feel FRUSTRATED about every single thing in my life. But I don’t do anything about it cause I know that I am what I am and most of the stuffs I think is my fault, it’s actually not mine. It’s just that I have been placing it all on me cause I WANT to think it’s MY fault and shit. But it’s NOT and that’s how YOU are.

Him : But how can you just let it go? How can you even sleep, let alone eat knowing that you might be able to help. That’s how I feel. THAT is who I am. I live my life full of guilt. And for better or worse. That’s me.

Me : I help by being in the sidelines even if I can’t get any spotlight. Even doing something small is FINE with me. I don’t need people to say “you’ve done good” cause you shouldn’t live for OTHERS. You should live for YOURSELF.

Him : But I can’t. Maybe I can, but I need help. I do things for others because when I do, I make others happy.

Me : Whatever good deed you do, at least you know you did something. Other people knowing you did good would still blame you for the small bad you did.

Him : I bring joy, excitement, or even just relief to people. But exactly! I do good, and it seems to go unnoticed. I don’t need thank you, I don’t need any gratitude, but I do need to know what I’m doing is worth it, that I’m not hurting anyone, and that what I’m doing actually affects someone positively, and if what I’m doing is unwanted, then it’s probably time to go, at long last.

Me : I know you TRY to do things to please and make people happy. I know that and it’s a good thing and I appreciate you doing that. But I know mine just isn’t enough so I’m just trying to be here for you like I always have but please, don’t make this take over your whole being…

Him : I guess I just need to give up. I just, I read what you write and my more reasonable side tells me you’re right no matter how much I hate it.

Me : It’s saddening when YOU’RE blaming yourself and giving up. I tend to cry when people become like that especially people I know. I know you very well, and it’s heart wrenching. I just want you to know that life isn’t just about Jynx. I used to want to be like you now, a Jynx loyaler but I can’t be that anymore. Not when it eats up my whole life. I want to live for me. I want to go out and be a real person. not a virtual being. At least I’ll be able to help people who have problems in the real world, not in a game where people escape to be a person without problems.

Him : But Jess, I can’t go out. I’m not allowed to go places. The most freedom I have is here, it’s not just my escape, it’s my life.

Me : Maybe not now, but in a few years time, you can.

Him : As depressing as it is, Jynx is my home.

Me : Tell me, as a school counselor, aren’t you ALREADY helping?

Him : For the next few years it really is going to be. Yeah, helping the middle school girls sort out problems with boys and vice versa.

Me : Well, take it as experience, build up your resume, be someone who can help those with serious problems in the future. What happens in real life doesn’t happen in game, not really. In real life, people DO die, people DO beat each other up and stuff. Not like in game where people can be alive again no matter how many times they have died.

Him : Don’t you think I know that?

Me : I know you do, I just thought you needed to be reminded is all.

Him : How’s my cousin’s arrest? That good nuff? Look Jess, I really appreciate where you’re coming from and you’re completely right. I’m done with helping JO for now. Sorry, I’m a bit bitter (talking to T*, and he’s attempting to be funny cause im pissed) but I just, I seriously wish I could just not care.

Me : Honey, nobody told you to NOT care. You can care as much as you want but just not let it affect your WHOLE entire being.

Him : How? I feel like the little girls asking me how to ignore annoying guys, but how do I do that? Like, I just do not know how.

Me : I don’t know exactly, but I have been making myself blog a lot lately, just being me, and that’s a good sort of therapy and I just kinda fell out of JO. I used to care a whole damn lot before my blog.

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Him : I can’t take advice from people I don’t know. I’m sure that right now I could be talking to some whacko psychiatrist who would prescribe drugs, dope me up and ask random Freud questions. But I went to you because I know and love you.

Me : Lol well, I’m a whacko psychologist to be you know >_> I could still tell you to drown your sorrow in drugs >_>”

Him : Well, I’m just a bit whacko anyways so it’s all good. Hah, tried that, ended up in the ER. Not so good (I don’t recommend it).

Me : What I’m saying is that, you could talk about your experience. Like your life and what you been through and how you are going to tackle it and stuff. Not everyone is perfect and people don’t like to read about perfect people to make them LESS perfect. Well, they do, but not everyone. I don’t like to read supermagazines to tell me I’m fat and ugly. I like to think of myself as me, a unique personality with my unique ways of doing stuff and my unique looks. And I’m not saying I thought of this 1 night and suddenly I’m all cured. I took years…MANY years…since I was 9. And now look, it’s been 11 years now, and I’m still not perfect. But so what?! Everything has a purpose. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger“. Remember I’m here for you when you need me. And that I’ll always be.

Him : Kks, love you Jess, you’ve been a great help.

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Basically what I am saying is that life is like a game. But it isn’t a game where you can be resurrected from the dead and live again to conquer. But it’s a game of chance and luck and how you make of it. Once you put yourself in danger and risk your life, there’s no going back. You’ll be at a dead end with no where to go but carry on.

There are no such things like using time machines to go back in time, NO elixer of life, no healer can bring you to life when you’re already dead. Nobody laughs when people die in real life. Nobody goes around hacking other peoples lives and then when they return, laugh in their faces and say “PWNED!!“.

Life isn’t like that. Life shouldn’t be about the games you play, the thing we know is the “Stupid Box” which we named it the Computer, things that are designed to portray ourselves in simulations, things that are programmed to bring you enjoyment, things that can get you hooked and stuff. Things we call, computer games.

It’s just not worth it to throw your whole life from you just to be hooked on virtual reality and pretending that reality was just gone. It’s totally not…

Are you these kind of people? Hooked and drugged with Virtual Reality? Unable to turn back? Finding reality just so escapable?

Note :

* : Names are not mentioned to keep the privacy of those involved.

But the woman, as evil as always, went and cut MORE than was necessary!!! Butchered my hair more like…aaaaaaaaanyways, I took off my specs so it doesn’t get in the way of the hair cutting process and at first, I didn’t notice anything but after a while I felt a breeze going through my neck and I was like, “Why is my neck feeling cold?” and squinted into the mirror and what do I see? A stranger boy like head in front of me…

I had to touch the mirror cause I couldn’t see and I thought maybe that it’s a window and not a mirror but I was DISAPPOINTED!!! It was INDEED a mirror and NOT a window!!!!

Alamak…I thought, “Why so short already she still don’t wanna stop?!?!” and “My HAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR T-T” But I could see her going from left to right. Left looks shorter than the right, CUT!!! Then the right side pulak look shorter so CUT again!!! It was a NEVER ENDING nightmare!!!! So now, I look TOTALLY different from how I looked BEFORE i had it D: “Oh hair, oh hair, how I missed you so~”

Wait till you see my BEFORE and AFTER pictures D: it’s so DIFFERENT!!!

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This was how I looked BEFORE the Operation “Let’s-Butcher-Jess’s-Hair“

This is AFTER the Operation “Let’s-Make-Jess-Look-Like-A-Coconut-Head“

So damn different, right?!?!? I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw myself in the mirror!!! Hello!!! That’s me when I was young!!! And it doesn’t look good at ALL!!!! When I was a kid, it looks WAY better. Why? Cause I wasn’t FAT that’s WHY!! Wanna see?

That’s me when I was but a baby

And if you imagine that I didn’t have my hair tied up, it’ll look just about the same, yea? I thought so…well now you can see the difference in both the pictures…ohmuhgah T-T I’m so NOT going to go for another haircut again for at a year!!! Yes, I know, easier said than done. But know what? I won’t be going to the same stylist again…EVER!!!