We were all given a chance to experience a life and a clean slate since birth. But many people choose to pollute it with selfishness, greed, crimes, and petty actions. Why I ask.

But no, I’m not going to go into that. Because there’s just too much to be said on that. What I DO want to say is, are relationships just a thing for some people to play with?

A friend just got her heart broken recently just for placing hope for a guy who resembles a kutu (tick). He preys on innocent girls, making them think he’s all great and the next moment, break their hearts.

I’m going to go on a limb here to say that he’s taken advantage of this friend of mine for less than 2 months before using a petty excuse of how “my mom force me to break up with my GF till I pull up my grades”. The next day, both of them came with a cloud above their head.

The girl, worried about their relationship.

The guy, moody because his car window broke.

Typical isn’t it? To be more worried about your car. More than the girl you supposedly love. And ironically, before he dated her, he broke up with another girl, chased my other friend, couldn’t get her and jumped at the nearest girl.

Thinking that they still have hope, she placed all her hopes into him getting better results this semester. Again, he crushed her hopes with just a few words. This time however, he broke her spirit.

He told her, it’s over and they’ll be friends…forever. And soon, he was seen playing with another girl by a guy friend.

She couldn’t understand why this has to happen and has since locked herself away in her room, isolated, devastated, heart-broken, crushed, tired, crying endlessly.

Why this has to happen, she probably knows but doesn’t want to see. But we, the bystanders DO see. He’s a jerk. He’s a scum. He’s a worm. He’s worse than a worm. He’s a virus that shouldn’t have graced the earth in the first place. I pity his mother…for I fear she will never have a long-term daughter-in-law, EVER!

If you’re reading this, know that we are worried about you and that you shouldn’t waste your feelings all on him. Come back. If you don’t snap out of it soon, I guess I’ll have to take things into my hands and slap you awake.

Take care and be prepared

Because there are no words to set things right
Nor hopes that one immersed in mourning hears,
I would not be the sun to end your night,

Offering a wisdom far too bright
To soothe your pain or put to rest your fears.
But I will watch with you until it’s light.

There must be time to grieve that sorrow might
Be equal to the love of days and years.
I would not be the sun to end your night.

For grief, before it breaks, must reach its height,
And tides must turn before one homeward steers.
But I will watch with you until it’s light.

There are agonies no friendship can requite,
A bitterness unstained till dawn appears.
I would not be the sun to end your night.
But I will watch with you until it’s light.

Poetry by : Nicholas Gordon

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This poetry perfectly describes a friendship that has gone through many hardships such as mine. Trial and errors are a must to help strengthen the bonds of friendship. Without these trial and errors, a friendship can never be for it would be as if a whole cucumber sitting beside a whole carrot, each an individual of it’s own.

With trial and error, both the cucumber and the carrot, finely chopped, mixed together would bring about a whole new enhancement. Just like friendship, you’d need to go through some hardships together to know each other better and this would help strengthen the bond already formed.

I hope you are reading this and understand how I feel about us. We’ve hit a rough spot and I don’t want that to ruin our friendship for your friendship is what I cherish most. I love you, my friend

Hmm let’s see now, this month was the month of hellish turds exams, had my finals and passed all of them, apparently, except for a D in Research (always hated that subject). But I’m glad that’s over with. Even had my hair cut to looking like erm…a Pomelo, or a Pomegranate, so insisted Bell. But I’ve got to say, it’s truly convenient to have short hair >_^V

About 9 days ago, my dad went off to Europe, going to Monte Carlo, Italy, Nice and so many other places while the whole family is left behind Can’t blame the poor guy really, he went there on business -sighs-. While he was there, we (the ones left behind) celebrated my brother’s 19th birthday on the 25th, this day also coincides with Joanne and Mark’s 1-month anniversary of “dating”. I can’t say that I’m enthusiastic about their being together, but hey, that isn’t my business if they get together or not, right? I’m just a bystander after all. I would love to elaborate more on this relationship, but I would refrain from doing so or risk the wrath of a woman-in-love.

So anyways, while my dad was working-enjoying life in Europe, we’ve been receiving many house calls in that 9 days from my dad’s shoe-shiners colleagues. And because Mooncake festival falls on this very month, we’ve been bombarded daily with boxes and boxes of Mooncake =x= needless to say, I absolutely can’t stand eating Mooncakes…they are somewhat thick and icky to my tastes. So what happens? The gifts have been piling itself in the kitchen, the side tables were brimming with Mooncakes, even my family is bored from eating them…however, I can’t really complain. Why not? Well, the thing is >_> these Mooncakes come in such beautiful packaging…so we, my mom, sis, and myself, had taken the responsibility of looting the boxes for ourselves and depositing the naked Mooncakes into the fridge.

So now, the fridge is packed and the side table is usable again. Imagine Chinese New Year, isn’t that the season for Cantonese oranges? You usually stack them up in the fridge no? Well, a whole box will fill up the fridge in my house. What I’m really trying to say is that, that box of oranges is equivalent to the horrifying amount of Mooncakes we got =x=|| the HORROR indeed!!

My dad actually came back today… -looks at the time- …yesterday evening. And what would you know, I have always wanted to say these at least once.

“My dad went to Europe, and all I got was these lousy shirts!”

And indeed, I got to say them today Yup, my dad came home bearing gifts…my sis got 2 baby T’s, and a spaghetti strap shirt.

Dad : “Go and try, see if it fits.” What if it doesn’t…?

-After a while…-

Sis : “Yay can wear! Thanks!”

Dad : “Nice, right?! Wear already so sexy ”

Me : “Hahahaha, you know, other people’s parents wouldn’t be saying that.”

Dad : “See, your papa so nice, buy sexy clothes for you all.” All or for Yen (sis)…?

Needless to say, I got the BIG sized shirts…well, I don’t really mind though, because of my body size, it’s truly hard for my parents to buy clothes for me when I’m not around to try it on. In fact, these clothes? They’re like pajamas to me. Not wanting to reject the clothes my dad bought for me, I accepted them, as usual. -Sigh- NEED TO GO ON EXTREME DIET SOON!!!

Other than those expensive clothes (they all cost more than 55 Euros…no, it’s not cheap, you have to convert them, meaning you have to multiply it by 5…) we all just chatted and laughed. I really missed my dad while he was in Europe, I just might have the Electra complex hahahaha Did I mention that it’s semester break now? Well it is ^^

One last thing before I go off, I’ve been searching for a part time job…weekends only though so that when semester break is over, I would still be able to work I need a job really bad why? Because lately, a few days ago actually, my comp started protesting and making really squeaky sounds as well as it sounded like it was about to have a meltdown and blow up in my face o_o!!! So yeah, “will work for a new computer!!” Anybody know of a weekend job, keep me posted yea? Keep in mind that it has to be in the Selangor region. Thanks!

Well then, that’s just about all that has been going on. And to everyone who were concerned about my own personal meltdowns here, here, here, and here. I’m not sorry for my emotional breakdown, but I AM sorry for worrying all of you. It was just a phase I was and had to go through to be able to be me again, or better yet, a better me. So, gomen nasai, miina-san…(I’m sorry everybody…)

And it’s yet another end of the month, I wish you all happy Mooncake Festival and have a good month next month. Also, the layout has been changed as well to bring in a good chi to this blog and a whole new start of October. A new month, a new series of bloggings, and a new resolution is DOING the right thing! As well as LOOSE weight!!. Night all ^^!!

My part of the presentation was to be the last before the conclusion, wanting to try my best not to mess up in today’s presentation, I did my best to remember my part, especially after what happened yesterday, I blotched up on the last presentation and I wanted to do better so that I won’t be a disappointment to my members who tried their very best most or all the time.

But today, it seems I was the one disappointed and eventually discarded…everything was going well, or so I thought, I knew that they had more to talk about than me but an invisible hand was clutching at my heart as the time passed by with me not having even presented yet.

So I was patient, I waited. And when it did come to my turn, all my members were staring at me, silently telling me to rush the last part so that the last member can end the presentation with the conclusion…they even made a cue card you only see on television that goes “APPLAUSE” when they want their audience to fake some claps, apparently they forgot that I am blind when I am wearing contact lenses or perhaps they have genuinely forgotten it, or worse, they just wanted to just make me stumble over my lines and shut up. So I tried, I rushed like I never rushed before, and rushed and rushed…I barely got into 40% of my part before I have to skip everything towards the conclusion.

So I put on a brave smile and laughed it off when deep in my heart all I heard was, “…there goes my hope in getting a 4.0 this semester…” and I felt like crying. But I did not, I went back to my seat and smiled when others smiled, laughed when others laughed as well.

And finally, we were able to leave…and leave I did, I sprinted past my “friends” and their friends showing an outward impression that I was rushing to reach home. I hoped and I hoped that I wasn’t required to speak to anyone for if I did, I would lose all self-control.

It seems luck was not with me today, for I bumped into Kavitha at the entrance and she tried talking to me, all I did was looked away from her and plastered a smile on my face, I pity her for she thought I was angry at her for her “support” in the presentation. In truth, I was, but I wasn’t as well, silent for a moment, she asked if I was going home. I nodded a curt nod and said a steady “yea” while looking at my watch as time was moving an hour per minute and sprinted off before I burst into tears.

As I reached outside the gates of the university, I started to sob on and off, I sprinted and sobbed, stopping only when I see someone close enough to see my scrunched up face, somehow, my misery caused me to walk faster than I have ever walked before, the anger and anguish in me was fueling me to reach the sanctuary of my home.

By the time I reached the bottom of the tiny hill towards my house, I started to wear out, my energy depleted, but I forced myself to put one leg in front of another, wanting nothing more than to go home and spend the rest of my day in miserable loneliness when lo and behold, two out of three of the people I didn’t want to see at the moment, rode in the van belonging to a friend of theirs passed me by, as the driver called out my name with mirth in his voice, my anger and misery fueled itself and cause me to let out a huge sob and tears fell down the corner of my eyes again.

My legs, as if by itself, started to sprint again, the tiredness apparently gone from me, as I neared my house, I saw the van parked not far away from me, I wanted very much to go towards the van and slap the driver before going home. But restraint myself, I did. As I reached my house, my youngest brother, waiting for his school bus, looked at me with a worried look, my maid, watering the plants, glanced at me and started to say something but I just ignored them and let myself into the garden of my house, locking the gate, I felt the keys fall from my hands, as I hurriedly picked them up, my sobs became louder, so I gave a cough or two to disguise my tears and practically ran to my room.

In my room, I fell onto the top of my bed and just cried and cried and cried. My cat looked at me with a puzzled expression and a pitying look…and apparently, trying to dig out the contact lenses after you’ve cried a river of tears from your eyes, makes it harder to come out…exhausted from crying, I decided to write in here today about this. If any of you are reading this, forgo it. and what I said in the SMS, do NOT forgo that…I do not want to be responsible for any unthoughtful words that I might say or any actions that I might do…so for now, leave me alone.

Ahh, it seems, the dreams of ever going to study in Australia is nothing but a dream…why did I even bother dreaming in the first place? I know now that all that time spent on this dream was nothing but a waste of time, better left alone than try to reach it…

My ex of three months has just broken up with his now-ex-girlfriend and his on the down low again.

We’ve also started talking again recently.

He asked me the rhetorical question on “If I were to move there, would you be my girlfriend again?”

I replied with a “I ono, maybe…”

He’s started to call me on my phone now.

Fond of him? I am.

Ready to plunge in? Not really.

Ready for a new relationship? Yes.

With him? Not really.

Want to be with someone you can touch and be face to face with? Yes.

Could that be him? No, since he is in the U.S.

So why are you pondering? Because I am fond of him.

As a friend? Yes.

As a ex-girlfriend? Yes.

As a potential girlfriend again? Not really.

Do you think you could really be in a relationship with him again? I don’t know.

What is your heart saying? That I shouldn’t be doing this and find someone closer to me.

Is that what you want? Yes.

Any potential victim? No.

Will there be one? Not yet.

When will there be one? Perhaps when theres someone who can look past the me on the outside and love the me on the inside…sick and twisted.

Well then, don’t you think you’ve already decided? Yes.

Then why are you even thinking about all these questions? I wonder that myself…perhaps deep down, I’m rooting for this brewing trouble.

As I stepped out of the University foyer and onto the watery path outside, I instinctively took out my tiny pink umbrella out from my bag and opened it in hopes that it would shield me from the rain…

As I walked out from under the shielded walkway, I walked slowly out towards the road leading to my home. I looked around me and see people walking hurriedly to avoid reaching home late and drenched…

As I walk slowly down the road, I thought to myself of what beautiful weather this is to sleep in…I love the rain, the whole concept of rain. However, on this nice rainy day, all I saw was gloom hanging around me.

Clutching my file tightly in front of me, I silently walked down the muddy, grainy, slippery road and pathways. Somehow, inside, I felt a sudden loneliness overcome me, the loneliness grew in size as the seconds passed…

I felt like crying, sobbing, and laughing hysterically. But I did not. The tears wouldn’t flow out and neither would the laughter. But this wasn’t the case inside…on the inside, my heart ached and stabbed me multiple times in the heart as if a knife was drilling into my already broken heart…

As I continued to walk down the gritty road and pathways, I thought of my loneliness…of why the sudden feeling that was overwhelming me. And then it came, the second voice in my head started to belt out sad, moody songs while narrating to me my life story…

As an infant, to childhood, adolescence, and the now…of relationships, friendships, hardships, and other ships…of how I’ve come so far to just break down…of how I could have broken down before from love, betrayals, hate, lies, and negativity…

In my head, I see my loved ones pulling away from me, leaving me on a deserted playground to fend for myself, looking at their retreating backs, I hear them snicker at my pitifulness…I see my beloved loves, the men in my life, of the betrayal I left them with…I see my friends, the people I confide in, the companions in my life…of the untold stories behind us all…

In my mind, the rational side is telling me to accept these people who wanted to help me many times before. And of those many times, I have rejected. Irrationally, I didn’t need their help…I have always helped myself when it comes to times where I can find no way out, I felt the need to push them away from me, the need, to be alone…

As I continue to think of these, I felt my legs buckle in front of me causing me to almost fall in the middle of the road, in the rain. However, I was able to steady myself and thought to myself that, even if I did fall, the pain would still not leave…and again, I felt myself trip due to the slippery pathway and felt the gravel poke onto the flesh of my toes…

Because of this, the tears started to flow, and flow, and flow and I couldn’t stop myself. The tears came fast and hot causing my vision to blur and I started worrying about losing my contact lenses so I tried to keep my eyes slitted so that it might stay rooted to my eye even as I cry…

As I cried, I felt that I could have died for I was blindly walking across roads to go back home…and indeed, I was almost gunned down by cars zooming past me left and right, but I was lucky all three times.

After reaching the other side of the road, I started to go back deep in thought again as I was finally safe on this side of the road. Tears still running down my face, I thought of how I have pushed many people out of my life ever since I felt the bitter taste of betrayal by my so-called friends in my childhood years, I was never the same after I made the same mistake in my adolescent years…and now, I feel my heart tearing itself as I continue to remember all the lonely times I had since young…

By now, I was sobbing as I walked up the tiny hill back to my house, I couldn’t stop myself as I felt like pulling my hair out by the roots from my head but I did not. As I sobbed, I could see people looking at me as they walk past but I didn’t care, I couldn’t stop…

At that moment, all I could think of was the people around me who I cared and or didn’t really cared about at all. It seemed that they played a role in my life, I just didn’t want them to come too near, afraid that it might make me more vulnerable…the loneliness by this time was so overwhelming that I felt like banging into a car, but I did not…

Reaching the sanctuary of my house, sobbing uncontrollably, I made a beeline for my room and locked myself inside the toilet in the room, I left the shower on and sat underneath it with my clothes still attached and cried and cried and cried…after calming down, I took a long shower and dinner and wrote here…

I have never felt so alone in my life…and being this lonely, it scares me and yet, deep inside…I feel and want to be alone…

Note : This is not a literature but common rantings of my heart…

My previous rant : Pure Unadulterated Hate

As I sit here writing this article, my body is shaking in frustration, there is an itch inside of my body that I yearn to scratch…it’s truly unbearable…my head aches in pain, the voice inside screams to be freed, the voice screams and screams and screams…

“WHY IS THE WORLD SO FUCKING UNFAIR!!! WHY AM I THE ONE TO RECEIVE THIS “GIFT”?!?!?! WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN ALL THE OTHER FUCKED-UPS OUT THERE WHO HAVE SINNED AND SINNED OVER AND OVER AGAIN?!?! WHY ME?!?!?!“

Can life be anymore unfair? Why is the Lord taking my life into his hands? Why can’t he leave it up to me when I wanted to die? Why must he take the strings of time and shorten it? WHY?!?! Have I sinned, my Lord? Have I done something in my past life to have deserved such a punishment? Or do you have a personal grudge on me that needs to be scratched?

“WHY ARE YOU CONDEMNING ME INTO THIS FATE WHERE I HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE KNIFE AND MEETING YOU, MY MAKER!! WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE MINDED YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND LEFT MY LIFE UP TO ME!!! WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE CLOSED AN EYE AND WALK AWAY?!?! WHY ARE YOU PULLING ME AWAY FROM MY LOVED ONES AND THE WORLD?! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO COLD AND CRUEL?!?!“

They say that I’m not suppose to hate you, Lord. They said that it’s me whose at fault, I who didn’t want it to begin with, I who had no inkling of what is happening to me, I who am afraid of burdening my family, I who am not Your devotee…but why did You have to condemn me for being all those? Do You not have enough devotees to kill off to be Your minions? Why me? Am I not good enough to live for at least another 70 years on this earth You had created?

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“It’s very treatable. All you have to do is go for the surgery and get rid of it”

“How much would the surgery cost me, doctor?”

“…it’ll be a lot, that is for sure, but the most important thing to do here is get you to do the surgery and be treated for chemotherapy…”

“I’ll have to think about it, doctor…”

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Did You like to see my saddened face? My downfall in life as I blindly walk through life? My emotionless eyes look around me, I see everything yet I see nothing, nor could I hear nor speak…tears are coming to me as I thought back on my short lived years…20 years, Lord. That was all You wanted to give me, wasn’t it? Was this planned from the beginning? Since the day I was born, perhaps? If You had wanted me so much, why didn’t You just take me at birth? Why now? Now when MORE people will get hurt and mourn for my leaving?

You are truly cruel, Lord. Yet people see You as THEIR savior, THEIR Lord beyond the pearly gates of heaven…yet you tear love ones apart and leave them all in desolation…

But guess what, Lord. I shall not give in to this fate that You had created for me. I shall live my last days happy, my family shall know nothing of it and be clueless of the cruel crime You have committed till the very end, cutting short their pain and leaving all the burden of mourning to me until I give out my very last breath…

But needless to say, You have my pure unadulterated hate for the rest of my pitiful life, now and forever, I shall not forgive you and will never when I see the ashen-ed faces upon my loved ones when my time grows near. Till then, I shall let them believe nothing is wrong and everything is right in the world, Amen.

And now…again today I am here talking about the oblivion that I am falling into…this time however I fear nothing would ever be right…due to anger and thoughtless words, we are all at odds with each other.  I shall just rant here and if any of you are reading this, read it and live with the truth of it all!

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE BOTH OF YOU?!?!? Is this the way to be acting whenever life isn’t going the way it should be for you? You argue and then you use anger and aim it at each other? You use words that haven’t been thought out carefully with the intention to hurt each other…

Of the four of us, all of us are tired, stressed out and on the edge. The datelines are choking us and splitting us apart, the four of us that have been together since the beginning of our course here…remember that we talked about the four of us? Yea…now however, it’s beginning to look appealing to separate doesn’t it? Well, YOU’RE WRONG! I’m not pointing any fingers but believe me, this pains me as much as it hurts all of you to know that we have been verbally abusing each other before thinking on it carefully…

T, I know you think that we think that you aren’t doing anything to do your part. You are wrong to think like this…why? Think back my sad friend, think back. You have always done your part…you amongst all of us, is the one good at finding information. Wait, hear me out, without you, we would NEVER find out enough information for our tasks. Without you, we would NEVER be able to find any information WITHIN the information that you have found, don’t you see? We rely on you to tell us what theories we can use and where we can find the research or journal to back it up. Without you, we would not be creating A-grade assignments.

S, it’s apparent that you think that T isn’t doing her fair share of the work. but admit it, she IS. Just not the same way as YOU are contributing to the group. Each and everyone of of you in the group are doing your fair share but just differently. Why? Because all of you have your own abilities in doing stuff. You find that it’s hard to cope don’t you? You feel like quitting and just be released from this huge burden, don’t you? But don’t you see? We help each other out when we all need each other. T is in charge of finding the information and providing the knowledge from that information in the BEGINNING of the assignment. You on the other hand is in charge of the ENDING where you provide your abilities to the utmost care.

I know that both of you are stressing but is that a crime? No tough babes, it isn’t. Don’t start blaming each other before you have thought things through. talk to each other about it before jumping to conclusions. Nobody is guilty till the fat woman sings. And in this case, that’s me and I’m not gonna sing for this…

So relax, and chill, think of each other before you begin, think of what the other have to go through before you start piling blames…T did what she did because she is worried of the timeline as well as knowing that the lecturer was leaving soon and no way to stop her from leaving…this is true. So really, you can’t blame her for asking and asking. Think of it as her egging you on to do it faster. If she had never done that, would you say we would have ever handed it up in time?

J on the other hand, last to handle the assignment, is afraid that if we were to hand it up late, it would be her fault. She tries her best to hurry it up, however, T is asking her to hurry up but this causes J to fire up and get annoyed. But would you say it’s T’s fault for doing that? She isn’t at the base worrying with you, in fact, she isn’t capable of doing anything where she is at. The hopelessness of being far away is killing her.

Both of you AREN’T WRONG!!! So just CHILL and THINK before you TALK. Stop bottling up the frustration, just blurt it out! Conflicts begin with bottled up emotions. What would the other party know of what you’re thinking when you do not open that lips of yours and say something? They’re not a mind reader you know…

All in all…I think I am to be blamed the most as I realized I have never really did anything…Of all the four of us, I think that the three of you are capable enough to do the assignments without me…I feel like the needle poking at all of you. The big sack of potatoes that is clinging to your backs…the burden…I know it and you all know it…

It is at times like these that I wonder why I ever joined the course that we’re doing now…perhaps I should have just stayed home and blend into the couch

What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t blame each other, tell each other what you want to say and embrace each other’s abilities and put it to full use. I don’t expect any of you to be reading this but hey, perhaps in a few years, when I’m dead, you’ll start to wonder what I wrote before I died and then you’ll probably visit and eventually stumble on this not very well versed post and smile

Just in case you don’t know, at the moment, you guys are the closest to me other than my family and I just can’t bear to see you three fighting with each other over an assignment…and to say that without you three, I would have long been 7 feet under by now…without the entertainment and laughter between the four of us, I would have been far in depression due to the stupid shit I have inside of me and would have killed myself…I hope you three know how much you mean to me to have had me written this much just so that you all would see things through…

Normally…slaves don’t get much…so be grateful

“Who was it, Ms. Sherlock?”

Why my dear Mr. and Mrs. Watsons’, the culprit, due to clever deductions, was non other than Mrs. Ting!!

“Who is Mrs. Ting?”

This Mrs. Ting, is none other than the Mrs. Ting, also known as the principal of Pui Chee Kindergarten!!! Imagine that!! SHAME ON HER!!! Who would have thought, a principal of a learning establishment would have done something like that!!

“What’s so wrong about it?”

First of all, she really isn’t that educated to have dumped a kitten on the side of the road instead of taking it to a animal shelter, is she?! Secondly, from what I heard, she’s been leaving water and MILO where she left the kitten!! The water have earned her back some points but MILO?!?! What kitten drinks MILO?! Kittens drink MILK like the ones given my their mother cat or even a HUMAN!! I have now doubts about her being a principal. What is she teaching the kids in there?!

“Cats love Milo?”

I have no doubt about it! I’m sure if I were to question a little kid there, they’d say that mouse chase cat, cat chase dog and the dog are cowardly beings -_-” Enough about her…she’s not worth it…

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Anyways, we have yet to name the kitten. Not that we don’t want to but we want to wait till we are sure Max (My beloved first kitty) is able to live with this kitten. If not, we’ll be handing this kitten over to the right people to take care of it ;_;

Naturally we wouldn’t be exposing this kitten to the living area like the living room, kitchen and so on because we also have a live in dog, Angel and she has the tendency to bite ANYTHING!!! And needless to say, this kitten would be a goner when come in contact with Angel.

I think Max feels threatened by this new kitten, he hisses when he is near it and kinda looks warily at it like it’s an enemy…he even backed away when I placed the kitten underneath a basket so it acts like a house to it…oh my…

Okay, I took some pictures of this new kitten, it’s not really good cause I have to hold it in one hand and take pictures in another. Not only that, it’s damn hyperactive, moves a lot, hard to really capture the still image of it.

Awww~!!!

RAH!!! Such a fierce looking tiger kitten!!

Owwww!!! My thumb ;_; it’s being munched on D:!!

And that’s about it about the new addition in my family. Hopefully it gets to continue staying with us ^_^ I am SO in love with it too, other than the bitings, it’s another being that’ll scare my slaves group members when they come over for group assignment >D

Didn’t I mention that I live in a family of ebil individuals? Well, I do xD and it’s eBil not eVil >D

Pain Of The Night

by Sweett

Watch as this tear falls into empty space
See it fall into life’s nameless place
Can you see the sparkle as it catches the light
That sparkle once was happiness that is no longer in sight
As it falls watch it, its color has changed
From blue to bright red, it has a wide range

There it goes all alone, it continues to fall
With it, it takes the emotion, the emotion of all
Wait, can you hear it? A sob has broke free
Has shook the lungs cold, but yet it continues to be
Here it comes, a force has been built between the eye
A wall of shear water, it’s now time to cry

A shudder, a scream, darkness envelops your soul
The darkness of the night has taken its toll

Love…it’s a confusing emotion, no? Indeed…it’s so confusing that I sometimes, more often than not feel overwhelmed by it…It’s so utterly confusing that I would think we’re better off without it…I don’t understand my own emotions regarding love I guess…

At first, I was with Greg. I love him wholeheartedly, with every being in my soul, I love him. And with that said, my every being aches for his very existence in life…Sometimes I love him, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I feel excited talking with him and sometimes it’s just a bore…I’m in and out of love with him more times than I could count. Yet it hurts when I think of him being with another girl and this being my fault as I told him that he should date other girls…He’s what every girl wants, a prince, a kind, gentle, loving, caring guy with a touch of perverseness.

Then it was Shawn. He was what I like. A funny, interesting guy. He even wanted to fly to Malaysia and study here just to live with me. However, what I didn’t like about him was his inconsistency. When I met him, he was with another girl, he proclaimed love for her and wanted to move to wherever the girl was. And then the relationship ended and he came to me for comfort. Not long after, we were together. This all happened all in 2 days…and then he tells me that I was the first person he really liked and wanted to be with me…forever…and just like that, I was in and out of love in a blink of an eye…that was it…the love is gone…

And then came Alex. He’s not what every girl would want, I say that in all honesty as I type this. For he is a bad tempered young man, with provocation, he goes off his hoots and challenges the opponent to a duel. Yet, we have known each other about a year now. He said he had loved me since we were known to each other. And I accepted him. In a strange yet nicely expected way, I’ve kind of loved him too, before and even now. And we were together…a few days before he was to go off to the army…I found out and I cried a river…I was so afraid of him going off to the army…He lost many of his comrades in the army for guarding the border…I was afraid it could happen to him too. Day and night I prayed. I prayed for his safety, I prayed for his health, I prayed for him to come back to me in one piece…It’s been a while now since I’ve talked to him…I miss him so…truly, I think this is love…

Why is love so confusing? Why can’t we all just love each other, all of us? Why make it so complicated when I can share my heart with all of those I love. There is more than enough space in my heart for everyone…yet they expect only one to reside in this heart of mine. Jealousy bringing them to confront me to choose. And choose I have…I chose you…

Everything would TOTALLY be out of whack x_x!! For example, let’s say I’m married to A but we get divorced. A then marries another girl, B. B then has a divorced father and marries me. After that, I have a child who marries A’s little brother and so on and so forth. Damn…it would be so troublesome just calling any of them…

In other words, A is my ex-husband as well as my step-son-in-law. B would be my step-daughter who is married to my ex-husband/step-son-in-law. My current husband is my ex-husband/step-son-in-law’s father and my child would be my ex-husband/step-son-in-law’s in-law-aunt, also aunt to my step-daughter. Later, my child’s husband would be my son-in-law as well as my ex-husband/step-son-in-law’s brother also becoming my ex-husband/step-son-in-law’s uncle. And when THEY have kids, the kids would be my grandchildren as well as my ex-husband/step-son-in-law’s nephew and nieces!!

Oh what a headache @_@!!! Why am I talking about this? Why, if this happened in my real family setting, it’s gonna be a massive disaster!! Cause all in all, I have 10 uncles and aunties on my father’s side and 4 uncles and aunties on my mom’s. And each of them have at least 3 kids, the most being 6. And on my dad’s side, some of these kids have already grown up and have a family of their own, this meaning that they have kids as well. So all in all, if even there was a slight confusion to the family tree. The whole foundation would come crumbling down and would have to be remade x_x!!!!

I’m only talking about this now because I saw something about it on YouTube. Damn funny and sad at the same time. The poor guy is his OWN grandpa!!