It is at these times that you will find me most compliant to their inquiries/comments/authority as well as the most stubborn. My parents are always worrying about us (the kids) and are afraid that one day, we’d find ourselves jailed/robbed/raped/killed. To my distress, of all the children in the family, they seem to worry more about me. Why? That’s the question I constantly ask myself. I’m a good daughter; I look left and right and left again when I cross the road; I have nothing worth robbing; I’m fat and ugly, who in their right mind would rape me?

The answer may seem simple but there are always the other side to the story aren’t there? I’m a good daughter, however, I tend to be a quick hand at finding things not wanting to be found thus might put in trouble if that person didn’t want it found (E.G. A killer hid some killer evidence, poor curious me finds it, killers sees me take it, comes after me and kills me. The End.); I look left and right and left again when I cross the road, looking left, right and left, I might miss a speeding car coming from the right and you’re not suppose to do the looking WHILE crossing, you’re suppose to do it before and while crossing; I have nothing worth robbing other than the jade bracelet on my left wrist, my MP3 hanging from my neck and my handphone in my bag!!! I’m fat and ugly, who in their right mind would rape me? Rappers aren’t exactly what I call a psychologically healthy person in the first place!!

W ell, I’m DOOMED! After thinking that I am immune to such brutal endings and deaths, I find myself MORE vulnerable than I was in the first place D: !! So I guess, my parents seem to be right on all accounts that whatever I do will ultimately lead to me living another day or die something good or something bad. What frustrates me most about my parents would of course be about domesticity. In truth, I have never mastered the skill of cooking other than boiling water, putting the just-washed rice into the rice cooker, and cooking maggie mee; neither have I sewn or mended clothes perfectly. I more or less destroyed it, making it less wearable than it originally was >_>

They would comment on how I was lousy in these skills and would not be able to get a good man to ever think of marrying me if I never learn. Not only that, though I know I have a weight problem, oh all right, being obese, I could NEVER find them a son-in-law and that my health would deteriorate. On the health part, I agree. However, on the never marrying part, I differ. I’m only 20 at the moment, I still have at least 20 more years or so left in me (modern human life span is truly pitiful…) and as men have their expectations in what they want in a female, I have MY expectations of what I want in a man too!

What my parents didn’t know was that I DID find my perfect guy. The guy who loved me for who I am, the guy who cared about how I felt and what I had to say, the guy who was sensitive to my very whim, the guy I would gladly have had kids with, the guy who would cook and clean for me if I didn’t want to do it myself, the guy who I wanted to be domestic for, the guy who loved me more than I loved him. It is on the last point that I have regretted my decision. In our relationship, I have betrayed him more times than I can count. No. I never cheated on him. No. I did something worst than cheating on him. I left him due to my selfishness. The spark had left me a dry spell and I told him I wanted out…he left upset and shaken…I started dating another guy…and he came back…I left the other guy and went back to him willingly when he said he still wanted me…months later…the dry spell returned…and I left…again…after a month or so…I returned and we were together again…and again, as if I never learned, I left AGAIN! But this time…forever. I told him he deserved better and to find another person and he did. I should be happy for him. I am but my heart lies dead.

But what my parents don’t know won’t hurt them, right? My parents are lovely people, in fact, to me, they are the perfect couple! After 21 years of marriage, they are still in love with each other and still very in tuned with each other. However, when they aren’t looking, I see a sad look on their faces as we, the children grow up, we become more detached from our parents. I feel their loneliness and I want to comfort them and tell them “I love you and I’ll never leave you” but I can’t promise that. Sometimes there are unforeseen circumstances in life that makes it difficult to say “I’ll alway be there for you till your time comes in the far future.”

You can say that I might have a double personality. With my parents, I want to be the daughter to be there for them. To care for them and be their companions. With my siblings, I want to be their friend and sister they look up to. With my friends, I tend to be more aggressive and be more…myself…? Sometimes I feel at lost as to who I really am. Family and social obligations have been tying me down ever since I was born as most of you out there are. However, most of the times, I would think that this IS my personality just that it’s split down in two parts; instead of having equal amount on both sides, I have one on each side making it an unbalanced equation.

Perhaps one day, love will find me again; perhaps I would be able to equally part my personality equally; perhaps one day, my parents would look at me and say “We trust your judgments.“…perhaps…

I wanted to post this on my blog a few days now but I didn’t have a blog then so now, at last, “Wireman” is making it’s debut on “The Undeniable Beauty – Revamped“!!! Behold!! “Wireman“!!

Meet Wireman and his spouse, Mentos Woman!!

Credits :

Storyline : Jessica
Picture Taken By : Jessica
Camera : Jessica’s Sony Ericsson W710i
Venue : On a table in the lecture hall
Venue Provided : UTAR
Wireman : Joanne’s Wire
Mentos Woman : Joanne’s Mentos
Inspiration : The boringness of Ms. Ke’s lecture

So anyways, this morning, I woke up and started to point at my ceiling and guess what I said? Really, you can’t even begin to KNOW what I said xD I said :

“Lo and behold! What’s that I see in the sky?!“

Yea o_O I know…weird huh? What’s weirder was that I did the erm Gestalt’s “Empty Chair” theory, whereby, in this case, is the “Empty Space in Front of Me” theory where I constantly reply to myself. Heres how it went, can’t remember all cause I was still half asleep D:

“Lo and behold! What’s that I see in the sky?!”

“Is it an ant? A lizard? Or a flying saucer which looks like a two headed giraffe with a lion’s roar?!”

“Really?! Where?!”

“THERE!! Just above us!!”

“I see it!! No wait, that’s just a hole in the sky!”

“A hole?! Where?! Oh dear Lord!! We’re ALL going to die!!”

“Erm hello?”

“No time for pleasantries!! We’re ALL gonna DIE!! The WORLD is coming to an END!!”

“Excuse me…”

“We need a HERO!! We need HIRO!!!”

-Coughs- “Take off your specs dearie…”

“WHY?! Aren’t you listening to me?!”

“Yes I am, honey but won’t you just give me your glasses?”

-Hands over an imaginary glasses- (Note : Sleepers like me don’t sleep with glasses, we’ll ruin the shape D: )

-Wipes imaginary glasses with an imaginary cloth- “There you go honey”

-Wears the imaginary glasses- “Sweet mother in heaven! The hole is GONE!! YOU SAVED US!!”

-Falls back down into bed and snooze-

The End!

After that weird behavior, I kinda woke myself up after 10 minutes later and thought I was going mad from the fever D:

“Doctor!! I’m going MAD aren’t I?!” -talks to a self-

“Yes Jessica, this is DEFINITELY an obvious symptom or MADNESS.”

“OMG! Are you sure doc?!”

“Positive.”

“What are the other proof?!”

“The fact that you’re talking to yourself as if you’re a certified psychiatrist is one of the symptoms.”

“Oh dear…I see what you mean…”

-Laughs hysterically and goes into the kitchen and have lunch-

The End!

I know, I scare myself too…

Told you it was a weird morning…I only came to my senses like, after lunch when my dog stole my food and ate it leaving me to eat CARBOHYDRATES (Maggie Mee)!!! Yes, the dumb dog stole my food when I left it there on the table -.-” I really DISLIKE that dog D< I would have abused her a LONG time ago if I were a CRUEL person. But I’m not, I’m just EVIL.

And we also gave her THIS :

Yes!! It’s a HANDWRITTEN birthday piece of trash “card”. Look closer now!!

Bwahahahahaha!!!

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When I went for class on Monday, I was shocked to see Joanne. Why? Cause she looked VERY pregnant!! I have no idea why but I kept staring at her cause of the way she was wearing that causes her to look pregnant hahaha. Here’s a picture of her.

And here is one where she is posing there with her “lou gong” (husband) who MAY be the one who got her pregnant o_O

Hahaha, both of them, the clothes they wore that day got my imagination running xD First was Joanne, making me think that she looks pregnant and next was Woan Ling, looking like a bartender Both of them make a REALLY cute couple xD And the funny thing was, Woan Ling impregnated Joanne the night before!! Looks quite big liao horr?

Some more this two har, like, don’t like then say divorce, remarried, get 2nd wife/husband. get mistress, go berfoya-foya, get abortion, aborted, re-pregnant again and stuff. All depending on if they want something bad enough xD

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Yesterday, Tuesday, Woan Ling, her parents, Joanne and I went to makan at Sri Karak. Why? Cause it was storming last evening so we, Joanne and me tumpang Woan Ling’s parents car and instead of taking us back, we became the fourth and fifth wheel cause the parents actually wanted to take Woan Ling out only seeing as it was her dad’s birthday. But too bad la. We’re taking over the ship!!

Anyways, 3 of us act smart la, over-estimated our eating abilities and the limits by ordering FOUR dishes when only THREE of us eating nia. We were practically SUFFERING there!!

This was when we already dug into the food, forgetting to take memorable pictures of it. Clockwise from top : Vegetables, fried sotong, clay pot chicken, meat and onion wrapped in egg.

This is taken AFTER we finished…not much difference with before or during…

This is Woan Ling’s “I know I screwed up by ordering the FOURTH dish, so BITE ME!!” look.

This is Joanne’s “I feel like CRYING but I want to laugh hysterically TOO!!” look.

This is my “o_O” look.

But you know what looks delish? The durian ice cream kacang that Woan Ling’s father had. It looks so NICE at the beginning but at the end…

Looks so nice right?! I think I just gained 5 KGs just looking at it…-Drools- *_*

This is after half an hour later…macam tak melt pun!! Can still see the round shape!!

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Then today…this was what I saw in class!!

What is he thinking?! I can’t help staring at the utter horribleness of this headband-guy combination…is he trying to imitate actors in Korean or Japanese dramas? Urgh!! I feel like ripping it off!!

OH NO!! He SEES us!! HIDE!!! Hide before he blinds us with his bad head fashion sense!!