Jess VS. Personality Exam
Posted on September 13, 2007
Hours spent on studying for this : Approximately less than 24 hours
Time spent sleeping : Every single night from 2am until 10am
Days of “could have studied” : 2 weeks
Feelings hours before the exam : Typical “there’s still time, I’ll just browse through the net before I start!”
Feelings half an hour before the exam : Typical “Oh shit!! Nothing is going into my mind!! Shit!! I can’t remember ANYTHING!”
Feelings during the exam : Typical “What the hell is this about? I don’t remember reading any of these!”
Feelings during the last 10 minutes of the exam : Not-so-typical “Why is the clock going so slow!! Get me out of here!!”
Feelings after the exam : Not-so-typical “I wonder if my computer is all right…the thunder and lightning better not kill my never-been-switched-off computer!!”
The verdict : Personality smites Jess in today’s exam with one to nothing.
» Filed Under University | 1 Comment
A Period of Silence
Posted on August 31, 2007
My blog will no longer be active for the remainder of these days until the day of my finals have reached to an end. This would fall of September 24th.
To everyone who have been supporting me behind the scenes as well as those directly supporting me, thank you all. After my finals, I have plans to cleanse my unhealthy soul and to re-emerge with new freshness and newer perspectives.
Thank You!
» Filed Under Announcements | 1 Comment
Friendless
Posted on August 26, 2007
Doesn’t it feel depressing when out of nowhere, you just feel terribly alone? Like as if, all your friends you’ve known your whole life just leaves you?
It’s feels really sad when one day, you find that the friends you usually hang with have other people to hang with and you’re just left all alone, doing nothing all day long.
You suddenly realized that your social life revolves around these few friends and when they leave, you feel all alone and pitiful. Feeling sorry for yourself, you act like it doesn’t bother you at all but indeed, it’s killing you on the inside.
Your friends tend to ask you out but forgets to follow up. You ask them to go out but they promptly let you down or say that they have plans. Your friends then smiled at their upcoming outings together as if their in on a secret that you will never be in on.
When a friend asked you about ever feeling alone, you laugh and tend to shrug it off thinking that you should start breaking away from them, to keep emotionally detached to avoid feeling lonely.
So day by day, you smile and smile at what they say and do but inside, you’re slowly cutting yourself away. You tend to avoid them and not to see them so that it’s easier to cut off the friendship when the time comes.
And then reality strikes when you realized that you and those friends you cutting ties with are going to be stuck for another 2 years of long hard days that you find that it’s hard to run away. So you deal with it.
Day by day, you smile when they tell you about THEIR outings, who they were with and what they were doing and they ask you about yours and you smiled and said that you haven’t went out with others in a long time, only with your family and your friends becomes quiet for a while before going back to THEIR stories.
Somehow you don’t think that it’s really fair at all. You feel like slapping them in the face just to make them shut up. To make a point that YOU don’t want to hear THEIR stories and tell them to fuck off. But no, you continue to smile.
What would you do if this person was you? Would you do as I did? Or would you do absolutely the opposite?
» Filed Under Rants & Whatever | 2 Comments
Empty
Posted on August 23, 2007
It’s been almost 10 days since my last post.
To tell you the truth, I’m bushed, my mind is a blank, it’s nothing but a white canvas in my head. Nothing is in there, nothing but the echo of the voice in my mind.
The voice seems louder than usual when the mind has nothing to dwell on…perhaps it’s telling me to rest the mind, to not try to force it to come back, to take better care of it…
I’m sorry mind, I know that you’re overworked, especially now that the exams are coming soon, I’m sorry that I’m exhausting you and giving you pressure now that I’m aiming for a 4.0…
Rest mind, rest this day and awaken again with greater driving force. Rest…
» Filed Under Rants & Whatever | 1 Comment
Another day better spent alone…
Posted on August 14, 2007
Today is a bad day for me, I stayed up all morning to put my heart into the presentation today and that when it was finally my turn, I barely got 10 minutes for my part.
My part of the presentation was to be the last before the conclusion, wanting to try my best not to mess up in today’s presentation, I did my best to remember my part, especially after what happened yesterday, I blotched up on the last presentation and I wanted to do better so that I won’t be a disappointment to my members who tried their very best most or all the time.
But today, it seems I was the one disappointed and eventually discarded…everything was going well, or so I thought, I knew that they had more to talk about than me but an invisible hand was clutching at my heart as the time passed by with me not having even presented yet.
So I was patient, I waited. And when it did come to my turn, all my members were staring at me, silently telling me to rush the last part so that the last member can end the presentation with the conclusion…they even made a cue card you only see on television that goes “APPLAUSE” when they want their audience to fake some claps, apparently they forgot that I am blind when I am wearing contact lenses or perhaps they have genuinely forgotten it, or worse, they just wanted to just make me stumble over my lines and shut up. So I tried, I rushed like I never rushed before, and rushed and rushed…I barely got into 40% of my part before I have to skip everything towards the conclusion.
So I put on a brave smile and laughed it off when deep in my heart all I heard was, “…there goes my hope in getting a 4.0 this semester…” and I felt like crying. But I did not, I went back to my seat and smiled when others smiled, laughed when others laughed as well.
And finally, we were able to leave…and leave I did, I sprinted past my “friends” and their friends showing an outward impression that I was rushing to reach home. I hoped and I hoped that I wasn’t required to speak to anyone for if I did, I would lose all self-control.
It seems luck was not with me today, for I bumped into Kavitha at the entrance and she tried talking to me, all I did was looked away from her and plastered a smile on my face, I pity her for she thought I was angry at her for her “support” in the presentation. In truth, I was, but I wasn’t as well, silent for a moment, she asked if I was going home. I nodded a curt nod and said a steady “yea” while looking at my watch as time was moving an hour per minute and sprinted off before I burst into tears.
As I reached outside the gates of the university, I started to sob on and off, I sprinted and sobbed, stopping only when I see someone close enough to see my scrunched up face, somehow, my misery caused me to walk faster than I have ever walked before, the anger and anguish in me was fueling me to reach the sanctuary of my home.
By the time I reached the bottom of the tiny hill towards my house, I started to wear out, my energy depleted, but I forced myself to put one leg in front of another, wanting nothing more than to go home and spend the rest of my day in miserable loneliness when lo and behold, two out of three of the people I didn’t want to see at the moment, rode in the van belonging to a friend of theirs passed me by, as the driver called out my name with mirth in his voice, my anger and misery fueled itself and cause me to let out a huge sob and tears fell down the corner of my eyes again.
My legs, as if by itself, started to sprint again, the tiredness apparently gone from me, as I neared my house, I saw the van parked not far away from me, I wanted very much to go towards the van and slap the driver before going home. But restraint myself, I did. As I reached my house, my youngest brother, waiting for his school bus, looked at me with a worried look, my maid, watering the plants, glanced at me and started to say something but I just ignored them and let myself into the garden of my house, locking the gate, I felt the keys fall from my hands, as I hurriedly picked them up, my sobs became louder, so I gave a cough or two to disguise my tears and practically ran to my room.
In my room, I fell onto the top of my bed and just cried and cried and cried. My cat looked at me with a puzzled expression and a pitying look…and apparently, trying to dig out the contact lenses after you’ve cried a river of tears from your eyes, makes it harder to come out…exhausted from crying, I decided to write in here today about this. If any of you are reading this, forgo it. and what I said in the SMS, do NOT forgo that…I do not want to be responsible for any unthoughtful words that I might say or any actions that I might do…so for now, leave me alone.
Ahh, it seems, the dreams of ever going to study in Australia is nothing but a dream…why did I even bother dreaming in the first place? I know now that all that time spent on this dream was nothing but a waste of time, better left alone than try to reach it…
» Filed Under Family & Other Relationships, Life Issues & Truth, Rants & Whatever | Leave a Comment
My life is a drag…
Posted on August 12, 2007
Could life get any more duller than this?
I sit here, in front of the computer, staring aimlessly at nothing in particular;
Nobody interesting is on MSN to entertain me;
Nobody in the blogging community to awaken my stimulating brain that has aparently gone into a slumber;
Nobody on my phone list that I wish to have any conversation with;
Nobody in my family free enough to take my challenge of the wits;
Nobody to interest me at all.
School is a bore;
Lecturers are a bore, they need to go back to school to learn how to make a better impression;
Tutors are a sore, one is gay, another is more casual than her students, one is illiterate in English, another tend to be too cheery and highpitched and the last is mad at us for not having our textbooks;
Classes are boring, I see students leaning their heads on their hands, hair covering their eyes in hopes that the lecturers don’t realize that they’re actually asleep, people blatantly ignoring the lecturers and talking and laughing with their fellow friends;
Breaks are a pain, half an hour break after every class, I understand, but one starts to wonder when we are faced with 3 to 4 hour-long breaks at one shot few days in a row;
Assignments are a pain in the neck, days are short and students tend to do last minute work, lecturers are a devil to even suggest we only have at most 25 pages when what we need are 35 pages;
Exams are a drag, tips are worthless for we would still need to read every single bloody thing;
University do not interest me at all.
My life revolves around the computer and University,
Both are nothing but a sore to my brain,
So what is there left for me,
But to go into a deep slumber,
Never to wake,
Never to see,
That life is a drag,
A drag that may never end…
» Filed Under Life Issues & Truth, Literature, Art & Graphics, Rants & Whatever, University | 2 Comments
Uh oh again…
Posted on August 9, 2007
Oh dear, oh dear…trouble is spewing forth again…
My ex of three months has just broken up with his now-ex-girlfriend and his on the down low again.
We’ve also started talking again recently.
He asked me the rhetorical question on “If I were to move there, would you be my girlfriend again?”
I replied with a “I ono, maybe…”
He’s started to call me on my phone now.
Fond of him? I am.
Ready to plunge in? Not really.
Ready for a new relationship? Yes.
With him? Not really.
Want to be with someone you can touch and be face to face with? Yes.
Could that be him? No, since he is in the U.S.
So why are you pondering? Because I am fond of him.
As a friend? Yes.
As a ex-girlfriend? Yes.
As a potential girlfriend again? Not really.
Do you think you could really be in a relationship with him again? I don’t know.
What is your heart saying? That I shouldn’t be doing this and find someone closer to me.
Is that what you want? Yes.
Any potential victim? No.
Will there be one? Not yet.
When will there be one? Perhaps when theres someone who can look past the me on the outside and love the me on the inside…sick and twisted.
Well then, don’t you think you’ve already decided? Yes.
Then why are you even thinking about all these questions? I wonder that myself…perhaps deep down, I’m rooting for this brewing trouble.
» Filed Under Family & Other Relationships, Life Issues & Truth, Rants & Whatever | 4 Comments
Ai Yori Aoshi
Posted on August 8, 2007
This anime is about a very sweet romance story where the stage begins smack dab right in the middle of Tokyo. It’s an anime about how a growing love can overcome many and all of the obstacles that can be thought of in this very modern time. This anime reflects reality yet at the same time, it’s truly an unrealistic anime. Why? Well then, you’ll just have to let me continue.
The main and leading male character here is named Hanabishi Kaoru who comes from the well-known and rich Hanabishi family line. However, being a family member of the rich and famous isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be. And due to reasons of his own, Kaoru decides to cut family ties with the Hanabishi family and live on his own.
One day, the leading female character, Sakuraba Aoi, a girl who is a descendant of the famous and well-known Sakuraba family in Japan decided to pay him a visit. Her status when meeting Kaoru was as a fiancee as in the plot, they mentioned that they were, since young, engaged to be married. However, when Kaoru left the Hanabishi family line, the engagement was canceled. However, this cancellation does not cover the fact that Aoi is truly in love with “Kaoru-sama” and wanted very much to be his wife.
Alone, Aoi travels through Tokyo holding only onto her little purse and a piece of paper where Kaoru’s address was written on for she wanted to meet him. As she was changing trains in the subway, unfamiliar with the Tokyo scene, she became confused as to how to get pass the ticket machine to get to the trains. At this time, a young man around her age decides to help her seeing as that she looked lost trying to get around. Coincidentally, this young man turns out to be Kaoru himself. They only recognized each other after Aoi procures a picture of their young selves.
After not having seen each other for years, Aoi decides that she wanted to start over again. She wants to be able to live with Kaoru, to get to know him better, to begin a new relationship built on love and not of family arrangements.
However, with Aoi connected with a rich and famous family, it seems that their relationship would be a easy one as their relationship was denied by the Sakuraba family. Will their love conquer all their problems? Are they able to stand against all the odds to beat the outside force that was interfering with their bond? How would their relationship survive?
Sakuraba Aoi, the main female character, was described as a perfect girl in the way she expressed her love and care. Hanabishi Kaoru, the main male character, is only an ordinary man at the beginning. Nothing special about his character. But later in the series, we will see that he really deserve a perfect girl like Aoi.
This anime is also another sweet one. It’s not very like my style of anime but it’s really nice, the plot, where at the beginning sees that the plot revolves around the both of them, suddenly becoming where they lived in a mansion with many other female characters being added into the scene making the mansion to be very harem-like where Kaoru is the only male in the house.
So you can only imagine what kind of anime this would be like. Imagine that you, a guy, is live with 5 beautiful women under one roof where out f the five, four is in love with you! If I were that guy, I’d be in heaven, but I’m not, and the fact remains that I am 100% female 
I really liked this anime because as the plot unfolds, not only were there tears and sorrow, there was also tons of hilarity and partying going on and that’s what makes this a overall sweet, romantic anime.
Rating : 8/10
» Filed Under Stories & Reviews | 4 Comments
Unspoken Words
Posted on August 6, 2007
This soul of mine is rather empty today…I really wanted to tell someone about what I thought and what was inside my soul but I managed to hold it all back. Silently, I looked at the people around me and just pretended that I was actually listening to them.
All day, I listened to the chattering of my friends, of strangers around me, of excited students, of the bored and restless, of the stressed, of the sorrowful, of the lectures half-heartedly, not wanting to listen, yet it was expected of me…
A friend once told me that I should get some professional help to help me change my negativity but I brushed her off with a sweet smile that belies my unspoken words and feelings and continued on with my life listening half-heartedly to the world around me.
Emotionally speaking, I told myself not to lose it, not to give up, but about half of those times, I felt the strong irresistible urge to to just let it all out on someone, to free my soul of it’s burdens. And I almost did as such…ALMOST. As I was about to shower an unexpected someone with my woes and sorrows, she, at the same time, turned to another friend of ours unintentionally to talk to her while a third friend was too engrossed with answering the tutorial question to even look at me, causing me to wake up from my reverie and stop myself before I made a huge mistake.
And so, I kept my silence and told no one of what was in my churning, burning heart. The unspoken words stayed unspoken as it should be.
» Filed Under Life Issues & Truth, Rants & Whatever | 1 Comment
Air TV
Posted on August 5, 2007
Air TV is a Japanese anime. In this 12 episode anime, it talks about a guy named Yukito Kunisaki who is on a journey in search of the winged girl who flies in the sky that his mother told him about when he was just a kid. Searching for this winged girl led him to small town where all the people you see are little kids, pretty adolescent girls and some pretty ladies. Overall population, 6 kids, 4 pretty girls, and 3 pretty ladies.
Kano, Misuzu, Minagi
So anyways, at the beginning of the anime, you can see that he’s just a poor traveler whose got no money to even buy food for himself or a place to stay, thus he tries to attract some attention from the limited population of the town to watch his puppet show and to earn some money. But too bad, no one was interested in his puppeteering tricks and leaves.
Eventually, after starving for over a day, he meets a strange and clumsy girl named Misuzu. Here Misuzu tries very hard to make friends with the reluctant Yukito by following him around all day trying to convince him to play with her during her summer break and in the end of the day, Yukito decides to stay in the small town by living in Misuzu’s house to continue searching for the mysterious winged girl his mother had searched for all her life.
That’s basically the gist of all of episode one, however, I shall not continue spoiling the anime for you. But this anime is a touching anime bound to make you tear at the storyline. I admit, I cried a few while watching this anime as well…why? Because it’s a very sweet and touching anime.
If you get the chance, you really should watch this anime 
Rating : 6.5/10
» Filed Under Stories & Reviews | 3 Comments
